Crying in public

September 9, 2016

Often, I see people crying on the subway, either in the train or on the platform. I always try to make eye contact, though I am rarely successful. They don’t so much look away as they are always looking down, or nowhere, out into space, running the film in their heads over and again. I […]

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Self care

September 5, 2016

The exam room’s white ceiling offered up a future in disconnected constellations; the ceiling’s many dots connect and form nothing, and the adhesive is cold to the touch. I wince each time the nurse applies an electrode to my body—one each for my legs and arms, and four along the left side of my torso—because […]

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Taking Pictures

September 2, 2016

I like to populate my Instagram feed with photos framed by ennui, the blue filters chosen for effect. With equal parts vanity and boredom, I inundate viewers with quiet, compressed photos. Since reading Sontag’s On Photography, I’ve tried to give the medium a fair shake, an attempt elucidated by time and distance, away from Georgia […]

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Waiting for Frank Ocean

August 19, 2016

Waiting for Frank Ocean, bored out of my mind as I stare at the screen, my MacBook Air, once loved, now an old thing ready to be sold, or recycle-trashed in China, I’m thinking about my body. I have a physical examination coming soon—fun times for all involved—so I guess I’m thinking through my body, […]

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Soon it’ll be September

August 13, 2016

Current conditions favor the ambitious with open hearts as bedeviled villains in angel clothing fall tumbling into their own rubble; these vague images flutter in my mind as the heat pounds. No end in sight. I sit in front a fan where I’ve sat for hours typing an essay multiple weeks past due due to […]

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Time is Life (35th Birthday)

August 5, 2016

I’ve long suspected that writing changes when you do it from a mobile phone instead of a computer or, if you’re insistent and insufferable and therefore someone I would like, an iPad with an external keyboard. The writing becomes more immediate, which isn’t the best texture for all occasions. Like slow cooking, patient writing brings […]

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No more political conventions

July 26, 2016

Since returning from vacation in the south, my patience for the theatrical has become limited; this makes the life of a stepparent complicated, or error-prone, and the American presidential conventions can hardly be stomached, both of them. I live my life banking on the possibility that, whatever happens after November, the planet will continue to […]

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Dispatch from the Confederacy

July 18, 2016

I hate coming to the south, even when as a child my family and I would drive from Jersey to Georgia to visit my mother’s parents, and particularly now as a man when my family and I have travelled from Brooklyn to visit my partner’s mother. Ah, the rumpled faces belonging to other people who […]

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New York Summers

July 13, 2016

It is the Thursday before the Fourth of July and, looking three floors up from this position at my desk in our home, I can see into a dim apartment where a white woman paces and smokes, bounding in and out of the room. The lifeblood drained, New York settles into a specific torpor. This […]

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Café Bustelo

July 9, 2016

I’ve had some trouble remembering when I first tasted Café Bustelo coffee. I remember when I didn’t drink it daily, around the time I read this love letter by Alexander Chee; I was stuck on Folgers, desperate for something, something that requires better taste. 2010. My god, the time. It’s nothing anymore; it’s all trash, […]

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